Mercury Is In Retrograde – Stay Home (in Yoga Pants) to be Safe

Ladies and gents, we are currently living in the three-ish week period when the planet slows its orbit around the sun and appears to be traveling backwards. You might be thinking “this doesn’t matter, just keep posting about food and outfits please” to which I say, rude and…okay. But this is important information. We are experiencing Mercury retrograde, and that’s a BAD thing.

The closest I come to paying attention to astrology is reading the fortune cookie in my chines food takeout, but even nonbelievers like me are thinking…things are a little spooky when Mercury isn’t feeling the #mondaymotivation.

Morning Coffee

So what does this all mean? According to what I’ve pieced together from Mandy Moore and Taylor Swift’s Instagram accounts, Mercury, which,  according to astrologists, is the planet that rules communication and matters of the mind — has gone retrograde (Mercury slows down and appears to stop, or station, and spin backward.) This will last from Jan. 21-Feb 11th, so we’re in the thick of it, ya’ll.

Still feel like I haven’t told you what this means? Clearly you can’t appreciate a literary crescendo – but what I’m trying to tell you is go home, put on your yoga pants, pour yourself a glass of bubbly and park it – because things just aren’t right in the balance of the world.


In the words of the philosopher T. Swift

“When Mercury is in retrograde, basically that means that everything is going to be completely wrong and messed up and miscommunicated. You can’t blame yourself. You just have to blame Mercury, cause it’s just hella in retrograde.”

So what should you do?

  • Don’t start anything new.
  • Practice your clearest communication.
  • Review all your contracts before you sign.
  • YOLO – be open to fate and just go with the flow.
  • Don’t start any new relationships (get off Tinder for a hot minute, ya fools!)

Be kind. Be alert. Take care of each other. Deep breaths. Namaste, ya’ll.


And like the President said “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive!”

(no, not Obama. President Bill Pullman from Independence Day, #duh)


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