90% of the time I absolutely hate cleaning the house. And so does Stripes. It’s NOT fun and it takes ALL DAY. That’s one of the reasons why we invested in a housekeeper – one of the best decisions we’ve made as a couple. However, living in a old home, full of charm (cough DUST cough) has its challenges – one being the need to deep clean every single week to keep up with it.
The responsibility of cleaning (with the exception of the kitchen) often falls on me, which I usually don’t mind – but sometimes when the workweek has been too long, and travel too exhausting, the idea of coming home to a dirty house that needs cleaning is just too much to take…and that’s when the blame game kicks into high gear.
It’s unhealthy and anything but productive – but it happens more than it should. I look for reasons why Stripes should have just KNOWN that I needed him to clean the house, a chore I usually take care of. And come to think of it, when was the last time he thanked me for cleaning? And when was the last time he bought me “just because flowers”…nevermind the fact that I don’t really like flowers. Speaking of flowers and stuff growing out of the ground, remember that time two years ago he told me he NEEDED to buy a lawnmower, used it once and then started paying for the lawn service the very next week.
It’s a downward spiral that ends in Stripes being verbally assaulted the moment he walks in the door for a messy house and a lawnmower he bought two years ago. Not exactly a productive conversation. But blame never is.
I find the same situation is true at work. When something goes wrong everyone has those coworkers who immediately launch into the Salem Witch Trials to identify who is to blame. Heated emails start flying, bosses are copied and pretty soon so much energy is wasted on finding who was at fault that the proper amount of time can’t be spent on finding a quick solution. Blame is a victim mindset, not an empowered one.
I’m going to make a change. Luckily for me Stripes doesn’t read this blog so if I fail in this mission he will be none the wiser 🙂 I’m going to start doing the following things:
- Become more aware that blame is rearing its ugly head – or has entered the conversation – and kick it to the curb.
- Take responsibility even when I don’t need to. Because doesn’t that sound like a NICE thing to do? And being nice gives me energy and makes me happy.
- Be solution, not problem, focused and talk it through. That’s a much better use of my time.
What do you think? Any other advice you can give me? If not, I don’t blame you!
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” – Dr. Robert Anthony